Failure Mom

Today has been a bad day. I feel like the biggest failure ever! And I want more kids... Maybe I'm not cut out for it?? So today Lilly had nursery school. Five minutes before we were supposed to leave I remembered I was supposed to bring in a bag of marshmallows today so we left in a hurry and I stopped by 7Eleven thankful that they had a bag. Then, we made our way to the school. As we arrived I saw many moms in the parking lot carrying food and gifts. It crossed my mind that maybe this was the last day of school before Christmas and I panicked since I am the room mom and collected money for gift cards for the teachers and did not bring them (or buy them) but I quickly dismissed it knowing that the public schools have school next Friday so Lilly must too.

As I walk into the classroom I ask one of the moms if this is the last class and she says, "No" so I breathe a sigh of relief. Shortly after another mom walks in wearing a Christmas sweatshirt and Christmas ball earrings. Then I look around the room and see all the days activities are Christmas activities... So I ask another mom and she does in fact verify that this is the last day of class until January. Shoot!!! I am panicked and don't know what to do. So I confide in a couple of the moms I'm friendly with and they say, "Run home and get it" and I'm thinking several things... 1. I do have 2 cards for them that I bought but 2. I didn't get the Visa gift cards yet! (I thought I had a week) and 3. how the heck am I going to pull this off?

With the urging of a few moms I leave my precious Lilly in their hands and run out the door. I run to the car and figure I'll just go the nearest bank and buy the gift cards then hit a CVS and get 2 new cards and then go back to the school all the while acting as if I ran home and the gifts were all neatly prepared and left by accident on my dining room table. And to think this is all taking place in a church. I did not forget to say a prayer of forgiveness!

I run to the bank, tell the old lady I need 2 $40 gift cards as fast as she can get them (which was NOT fast enough) and then I drive like a maniac to CVS and get the SAME 2 cards (I really really liked them and took the time to pick them out a few weeks back!) only to realize I left my wallet in the car. I ditch the cards, run to the car, run back into CVS, find the cards, pay for the cards, run back to the car, sign the cards and put them neatly under the gift boxes. Then I book it back to the church. This took me 37 minutes!

I find the kids/parents in the little gym as the kids are having indoor recess. I confess to the teacher that I had to run "home" for their gifts since I thought we had school next week. She was sweet and hugged me and said, "You shouldn't have done that" and the other moms were smiling (thinking to themselves 'what a screw up' I know it) and then I grab Lilly and give her a big hug.

About this time I'm feeling like the biggest failure on earth. I was a teacher for God's sake! I was organized and good at my job and now I can't even handle the responsibility of buying 2 gifts and bringing them to Lilly's school??? I'm on the verge of tears as it is rehashing how stupid I've been when I find out that 1. Lilly "didn't even miss you" and 2. they went to the fireplace in the foyer of the church and sat around the fire and sang Christmas carols. So now I start crying and have to move away from the moms so they don't notice. I missed the best part of the day and Lilly didn't have her mommy with her for such a wonderful occassion.

I pull myself together, thank the moms that took Lilly with them and let her sit between them, and try to move on with the day. It's not going to be easy for me to get past this but I have to and a lesson was learned. I have to be organized in my mommy role.

I also vow not to sign up as room mother again.