Today Lilly and I met a friend and her son for lunch at a McDonald's Playland. I will NEVER EVER go there again. Well ok, at least not in the next 2 years or so! Lilly has been there once before and was too timid to go in the huge tunnel contraption. Well today she took one bite of her burger and ran from the table. Before I could scooch out of the booth she was halfway up the big huge tunnel thingamajig. She was happy and smiling and stopping in all the little end tunnels that she could see out of. She waved and I waved and all was good in the world.
The second time she ventured into the thing 2 minutes later I hear screaming and crying and I know it's Lilly. There were tons of kids - big kids too - climbing up and yelling while they made their way through the tunnels. I guess this scared Lilly. So up I go in my big clunky Uggs crawling through a maze of tunnels until finally I find her sitting there crying. I take her down the big twisty slide feeling so sorry for her and sure that was her last trip up.
We settle back down in our seat and before I know it she's gone again and running circles around the monstrous thing. I'm cool with that since about 15 other kids were doing the same thing. Suddenly, she takes a sharp right and zoom! she's gone up the steps again. Well I'm over it. I pack up our stuff, my friend (with her startled timid son) packs up hers and I tell her to go ahead and go. Suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye a flying binky that lands on someone's table. Lilly had gone up with her binky and lovey (which I was bribing her with to stay at our table) and was disgarding things as she went through. Lo and behold (do I ever learn?) I hear crying - loud hysterical crying - all the mothers are looking around... "Is that your child?" "No, is it yours", etc. This time I see Lilly with her face smooshed up against the mesh play thingamajig and I instruct her to come back down the steps if she's scared. Well this makes her cry harder so some mother tells her son to go up and get the little girl named "Lilly" and bring her down. When he gets up there I hear, "Hi Lilly come with me baby" and then " WAHHHHHHHHH" so up I go again.
Let me tell you something. It is hot and cramped and claustrophobic and disgusting in those things. I am army crawling past tons of kids until I find Lilly. Do you know girls are hanging out in the tunnels? Sitting sideways eating fruit snacks and chatting? No wonder half the kids come back down the way the went up - they can't navigate through. Well I'm telling them to move I need to get my baby and when I find her she has 1. no binky 2. no lovey 3. no shoes (which yes she broke the rules and was crawling through with them on. Now I have to try to navigate with Lilly under my arm and find these missing items. I tried to pretend I was on a scavenger hunt but since I could hardly breathe and was sweating profusely (did I mention the down vest I was wearing with the Uggs?) it didn't seem fun no matter what I imagined.
By the time I got to the bottom I had Lilly, her shoes, her binky, her lovey, and another crying child in my arms. My shins were bruised (those play things hurt big time) and I was completely whooped.
And that is why I will never ever visit another playland in my life.
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