Freedom

The hardest part (for me) of doubling our amount of children has been feeling like a prisoner. I like to get up and go. The girls and I usually went out at least once a day and it has been very difficult for me to sit home and feel I cannot go out logistically!

Today, I decided we'd go to Target. We needed diapers. Of course I could have waited until Andy came home from work. I could have asked a friend to join me. I could have taken my friend's daughter with us to help push a cart. But I wanted to know I could do it alone. After all, this is our new normal, right!?

The girls were great.
Lilly was very helpful. She put items under the cart for me and was a very good listener (popcorn bribe).

I wore Luke.
Gabe went in the cart.
Ella sat in the cart.
Lilly stood on the edge of the cart.

We were only gone an hour and I needed a big coke from McDonald's when we were done (I was soaked in sweat: hormones + Luke on chest + leaking right boob + nerves) but it's a start!

I'm also feeling better today because last night Andy took Luke and slept in another room and I slept in a room with Gabe. It was the first night I haven't been up all night nursing/changing/burping/swaddling both babies all night long. One baby felt easy!! I know it was a big change for Andy since I've always been happy to do nighttimes on my own but I was beginning to crack. As hard as it was to admit I needed help in the night it was a big relief when it worked out beautifully (though I'm sure Andy's tired).

For now, we'll do what it takes to get through one day at a time.
I think we can do this after all.