Ho Ho Ho

This post is for grown-ups only.

If a little one is able to read and nearby, don't continue on.
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I suck.
I have never been quick on my feet. I have longed to be but have always found myself with the best comebacks an hour after they would have been useful. Then I want to run back and replay the whole encounter. So being clever under pressure doesn't work well for me.

Yesterday Lilly found her biggest Christmas present.

Andy and I were sitting on the couch watching the end of the Redskins game when her little friend came in and said, "Uh oh, Lilly not good. Lilly's in trouble. Come see, come see." I said, "Oh it's alright she'll be alright" and continued praying for my team who was in overtime.

Two minutes later Lilly ran into the room holding this:
It was barking and panting. (When it arrived on our doorstep two weeks earlier it was barking and panting in the big brown box so I had tossed it in the top of a closet.) She was so excited!
She was saying, "Mommy mommy look! Look what I found!!! I asked Santa for this!!!"

I panicked. I looked at Andy who was sitting silent and staring at Lilly. I stared silently at Lilly. Lilly stared at us. We stared back. Lilly stared harder anticipating an explanation. I looked at Andy. He wasn't going to speak up, I could tell. I pleaded with him with my eyes. He shrugged back with his eyes.

Finally, I said, "Wow, I guess it fell off Santa's sleigh early!!??"

I immediately knew this was an awful response but in true Kristin fashion I went with it. "I guess his elves made a mistake. It's only October. How did that get here? Wow, this is crazy."

Lilly didn't know what to think and neither did I. I then told her I'd have to call him (I should have just stopped while I was ahead). She ran to play and came back while I was on a panic phone call with my girlfriend. Lilly said, "Is that Santa?" I of course said, "Yes" and then she wanted to talk to him. My friend is yelling at me, "You're such a dumbass! What the hell? NO, she can't talk to Santa. Jesus Christ Kristin how about it was a birthday present for someone!?!?"

In the end I told Lilly we'd have to return the dog to the North Pole and wait until Christmas. For some strange reason she accepted this explanation and ran off to play. Holy crap I was sweating. Andy was just shaking his head.

At midnight last night/this morning I concocted this plan (I just don't know when to quit)...

I left it on the porch in the empty box that the dog was in.
I added a small gift that I was holding until Christmas.

This morning Lilly saw the box and went outside to see what it was.

She couldn't believe it. She thanked Santa over and over.
She looked up to the sky to talk to him as if she was praying.

Really, I'm doing the best I can here. I realize I fell short this time.