Scared Shitless

Every mom or dad has their story of losing their child in a department store or in a busy place. You always hear about the fear that takes over and the anger/relief when they finally find their child... Well now I can add that feeling to my list of mothering moments.

Went to Panera Bread with Lilly for lunch. Had a very nice lunch together. Told Lilly I had to use the bathroom before we left. Pulled her out of the high chair and reached for my diaper bag. Stood up and no Lilly. Vanished. No sight of her. No sound of footsteps. No wild hairdo as she rounded the corner. Nothing. It was possibly 3 seconds from when I took her out of the high chair and grabbed my bag. She has not run off for quite some time - she usually hangs right beside me. I immediately went toward the front of the store (didn't want to lose sight of the front door) and started circling the restaurant looking for her. I was not yet panicked but was very perplexed as to how and why she'd take off that quickly and how I could not see or hear her. It was very very crowded with the lunch crowd and I was trying to be casual and not cause a scene. After about 6 loops around the restaurant I headed toward the bathroom to see if she was waiting back there. Went in the women's bathroom and called her name and looked under stalls. Not there. Went back out and circled the place and finally went out the front door to the outside side walk to see if she had gotten outside. At this point, I went into full, 'someone has taken her' panic mode. Too panicked and rushed to even stop and tell someone or ask for help. Didn't want to waste time. Kept looping, and looping, and looping the store. I was covered in sweat. It had been over 5 minutes and I hadn't heard or seen her.

Finally I head back to the bathrooms wondering why all these people staring at me making circles weren't asking me what was wrong or telling me they saw her run past. Every time she's ever run from me in a store (we went through this phase some time back) I could hear her giggling, hear her feet, and people were always smiling and pointing as I went along. Not this time.

I threw open the mens bathroom door and there she was. Standing very still by the sink rubbing her hands together. Beside her was a middle age Arabic man. He smiled at me and said in a very thick accent, "I was just getting ready to bring her out" and I said, "I don't know how she could have gotten this door open! She must have slipped in here when someone came in" and then I noticed no one else was in there. I thanked him and picked her up and quickly took her into the women's bathroom and hugged her and told her Mommy was scared because I thought she was lost. She gave me a great big hug back but seemed calm and unfazed by it. I asked her if she had run and she said, "No" and then I let it go and we left the store.

I am now left with many thoughts and questions in my mind, none of which I will share here. I will talk to Lilly and ask her some more questions when she wakes up today.

This was the scariest 5-10 minutes of my life. I thought for sure she was gone. Taken. I am very grateful I found her and that she's sleeping peacefully in her crib right now.