What on Earth?

Turkey vultures having a feast on our street...

Stress

I pulled Lilly out of preschool today. It was not an easy decision and I definitely didn't take it lightly (Andy will attest to this) but I had to go with my gut. I ended up making a list at 1:00 in the morning and the reasons to pull her out were longer. She was displaying anxiety at home and that was not our intent when putting her in school. We thought she'd love it and have a great time and I do think she enjoyed it after adapting to the separation but she did not look foward to going back. She woke every morning (even Thurs., Fri., Sat., and Sun. when she didn't have school) telling me she didn't want to go and had started crying at naptime and bedtime telling me she'd miss me and not to leave her room.

I thought long and hard about why I've been so upset. I didn't want to pull her out because of my emotions or because I missed her. And I came to the conclusion that the reason I felt so heart broken all the time was because I didn't feel she was happy and it was my choice to put her there and in turn it was causing her stress. This created a lot of guilt on my part. So once I realized my issues were a result of my gut telling me she wasn't happy, I was secure with the decision.

I was snack mom this week. This week they're learning about apples. I took in cut up apple pouches and applesauce. Lilly was dressed in an apple shirt just in case she decided she did want to stay after all. I stopped to talk with the director and we had a lovely conversation. She totally understood and agreed with my decision. She made it clear that Lilly is welcome back anytime this year (we paid the registration fee). Then she took the snack to the classroom for us and we headed home. Lilly hugged my neck and said, "Thank you much Mommy!" and grinned from ear to ear all morning. She said, "I miss you so much Mommy. No more miss my mommy." And randomly she'd say, "I love you Mommy. I love my daddy."

I feel a huge relief and feel that a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It is this feeling that reaffirms that I made the right decision. Happy Lilly - Happy Mommy.

What Were We Thinking?

Today, Hope Church, where Lilly goes to school, had a craft show with 60 vendors. Andy is out of town and I thought it would be fun to go with my friend Stephanie and her son Jordan. I have been to plenty of craft shows so I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to take the kids! They were great but there wasn't much for them to do and we were unable to really enjoy looking at the merchandise. Lilly did love playing in the fire truck. They even let her drive.


It was a really nice craft show and the best part is that I saw one of Lilly's teachers and she went on and on about how much she loves Lilly and how Lilly reminds her of her own daughter. Up to this point I still haven't known what Lilly's like in class (3 hours) and only knew that I leave her upset and pick her up fairly happy. Ms. Susan told me Lilly is funny, spunky, adorable, loves to have fun and play, and completely melts her heart. I almost started crying again but held it together. I need to have this baby so I can get some of my composure back. I told her I still am on the fence about pulling her and she started crying and said, "You cannot pull her from this class. I'll be devasated! She's my favorite!" I thought this was really sweet of her and am glad Lilly has someone that cares so much about her when I am not there.

Here are Lilly and Jordan before we left the craft show.

I love this second picture. It's so cute - like they're a little old couple and like they're lost in thought.

For some crazy reason we decided to head to LL Bean with kids in tow. Stephanie wanted to look at winter coats for Jordan and I was along for the ride. In a nutshell Lilly hid under a clothing rack to poop while announcing what she was doing, I took her to the bathroom to change her and she freaked out because she has developed a serious fear of changing tables in bathrooms (she feels like she's going to fall and totally panics) so I changed her on a bench in the store, we lost Lilly briefly and found her on a bike pretending to ride, and finally I took Lilly and Jordan with me to check out and Jordan listened and stayed with me and Lilly roamed. When Stephanie came over I told her Lilly left me and she said (very casually), "Oh she's fine she's in the kayak." Meanwhile the kayak has a large sign on it that says, "Please do not touch or climb on kayak." It is raised about 3 feet off the ground on display and Lilly was in fact inside with the paddles pretending she was headed down rapids...

Needless to say we left... and headed to Friendly's! Two tired and hungry toddlers playing off one another at Friendly's. Jordan screamed Lilly copied him. Jordan drew with crayon on the window, Lilly scribbled all over the glass. Jordan went under the table, Lilly went under the table. I could go on and on. We quickly ate, got indigestion and headed home. Lilly protested her nap but was passed out in minutes.

Guess I should gear up for life with two...

Rainy Friday

Today we kept Lilly's little friend Jordan for the morning. They had a really nice time playing. They hadn't seen one another for a couple weeks. Lilly tried to get him to wear a purple princess outfit and dance with her... He did ultimately dance with her but in his doctor gear.

Jordan checked out Lilly's heart. Sounds good! Andy was home for the play date and then headed off to Seton Hall for the weekend. He has 3 weekends left after this one and a dissertation to write and defend. I'm very proud of his hard work and can't wait until it's over!!

Nine Lives

This afternoon I saw a fire truck in front of our house and Lilly and I went outside to see what was going on. This was the problem...

Our neighbor Wendy's cat Crouton was stuck in a tree. Funny as I walked outside and saw the fire fighters all looking up into a tree I said, "Tell me you're not here for a cat up a tree" and they said, "Yes indeed." Well it was no joke... Crouton was very very high up - think 50 ft. The poor little kitty. He was recently rescued from a shelter by our neighbors and is an indoor cat. Today we are expecting some storms with high winds. When the winds picked up it blew Wendy's front door open and out Crouton went (no one was home). When Wendy got home she heard Crouton crying in the tree.
The fire fighters were not helpful. They said their ladder was only 25 ft high and the cat was approximately double that. They also said they were preparing for the storm and there were wires in the way and they couldn't risk their lives for the cat. Well thank goodness we're raising an animal lover because this is what Lilly had to say to the fireman...

"You climb that tree and get kitty cat!"

That's my girl. The fireman did humor Lilly and called for the cat while holding up food but they were otherwise useless and left.
Well as I'm sure you've figured out if you read the blog or have known me for any amount of time - I have a soft spot for animals (and children) and could not rest knowing we were getting a storm with high winds and this cat was stuck. She was crying and hanging on while the branches blew. I called two tree trimming services to see if they could bring out a bucket truck but no one answered their phones. Wendy (neighbor) called Verizon to see if they could send out a truck but they didn't have any trucks in the area. I then called my neighbor and friend Kristen whom I call with all my animal sob stories (homeless bunny, injured goose, missing bunny babies...). She was cracking up at yet another call but as usual she set into action. She called her husband at work (he owns Ace Hardware) and he called a buddy who has rock/tree climbing gear. I misunderstood and thought he currently climbs trees but was mistaken. Later I found out he's afraid of heights AND it's been 10 years since he's climbed. But he came over and we all went outside for the show. ** Did I mention I was tutoring?? At least I called his grandpop and told him to come 30 minutes later so we could enjoy the action.**

Here is Ray, the crazy tree climber... Notice Lilly and Matt (whom I tutor) in the background - so cute together!

Watching closely...

I think he was getting tired. This is when I found out he hasn't done this in ten plus years. Then I started to worry about him AND the cat.

This cat was very very high up.

If you look closely you will see a flying Crouton. When Ray finally got up to the cat she climbed onto his back and was very nervous and scared. So a few men below held a blanket and Ray dropped the cat. Perfect landing (thank God) right into the center of the blanket. All the kids cheered.

Wendy (with her son in the background running over) was very happy to have Crouton back safely. And Ray made it safely back down the tree. Another happy ending.

Never a dull moment around here.

A Good Day!

Here was Lilly before school today...
...hiding so she wouldn't have to go. Not a good start. However I did know that I had a little trick up my sleeve that I was really hoping would help. The director informed me that Lilly was allowed to take her lovey, kitty cat, and binky to school though Andy and I decided we would not allow binky to go to school (Andy had to push me over on this one). So I told her that she could take lovey and kitty cat and it got her out from behind the tree! Of course she wanted binky too and I explained that Ms. Donna said no binkies and she started to fuss so I said, "You can have kitty and lovey or nothing" and she settled for the cat and lovey - smart girl.

We drove to school while she protested and of course when we got in the parking lot she told me to take her home and I pretended that life was wonderful and in my most chipper voice told her she'd have more fun at school than she would at home and that all her little friends were at school today and off we went.

When we got to her classroom we were the first to arrive. I asked her about some artwork hanging on the wall and asked if she wanted to show her teachers her lovey and kitty cat. She went in the classroom withOUT needing to be pried off my hip and in the blink of an eye Ms. Susan said, "AW! Is that your kitty cat?" and nodded for me to leave and off I went.

NO CRYING. NO SCREAMING. Hallelujia there is a God and believe me I thanked him profusely.

I left feeling like a million bucks. I was so happy and relieved and headed to get a pedicure (which was the plan but I figured I'd be feeling miserable). I also did something that I have never done before... I got a bikini wax!!! I figured if I was going to torture my sweet child by dropping her off at school then I should endure a little torture of my own. Holy mackarolly. I'm so sure this is too much information for Andy and Dad but you are after all my husband and father so I'm sure you can handle it! I just inquired about a bikini wax at the nail salon and with that they swooped me into the waxing room. I was saying, "I'm scared, I'm undecided!" etc. but they didn't care. They like to inflict pain. I had to lie down flat on my back (which doesn't feel good when you're 33 weeks pregnant) and for 15 minutes I endured hot wax, exposed private parts, and ripping of skin... That's all I'll say here... If you want the gory details feel free to call me. Let's just say I'm all pretty for my doctors now. I did enjoy a pedicure after the abuse.

When I picked Lilly up the director approached me and said, "She did fabulous! I went in to see her and she said Mommy peeks on me when I'm in school!" I do tell Lilly this and she thinks it's really funny. So I felt good and was excited to see her. She greeted me with a hug and some artwork and she was happy (requesting her binky but happy). She even had a sticker on her shirt that said, "I had a great day in school!" Here is the little lover...

At it Again

Well... we did it again. Day 4 of preschool from hell. Drop-off was a scene out of a movie - you know the one where they pull the screaming child off the crying mother? It started at home, "Where we going Mommy?" I said, "We're going to school!" and she started in with, "I don't want to go to fool... Please Mommy no fool" etc. When we pulled in the parking lot she got very upset and didn't want to go in. I kept smiling and in we went. At the classroom she started chewing on her backpack strap and begging me to take her home. I kept my smile and my chipper attitude and told her it would be so much fun and that I loved her and would be back. Then they unclamped her from my big belly and took her in as I walked away... still smiling. She was screaming so loud as I left and crying frantically. Total panic... I ducked into a dark classroom that is not used and found a box of tissues and hid in there and cried until I heard her calm down. Then I got myself together and left the church. Here's how she looked this morning before she knew we were going to school!

I went grocery shopping and then home to put the groceries away and clean up. I spent the whole 3 hours worrying and sad. It's really horrible! I just wanted to know if she was ok. When I went to pick her up the director stopped me and said, "How was she at drop-off?" and I told her and then she said, "Well I checked on her and there were no tears and she had a great time!" This was encouraging but I wanted to see for myself. I went down to pick her up and she was sitting in a circle with a homemade crown on that said, "I am special" and looked just fine. They opened the door and she lept up to meet me telling me, "I played with toys! I played outside!" and she was happy! I felt so much better (but this emotional rollercoaster is killing me).

We headed home and ate lunch and made Halloween cookies. She was happy and in good spirits. So I guess this just bought her another day of school (I was pulling her after this morning's episode).

When I changed her diaper before her nap this is what I found on her leg...
I'm sure it's just bug bites but of course I started wondering if it was Chicken Pox or an allergic reaction. I had no clue what she ate for snack at school (they provide snack) and so psycho mom called the school to let them know and check on what they ate... I am that parent! The crazy ass parent... But I will say my very smart principal husband told me to call saying he would want to know if it happened in his building...

Tomorrow's another day. No plans other than spending time with Lilly and enjoying every single second of it.

Tomorrow

I want to pull Lilly out of preschool. Every time I think about it I cry and cry and cry. Maybe I'm totally hormonal and emotional but I really just want her home. And the thought of hearing her scream, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MOMMA!" makes me sick.

It's the Little Things

I couldn't take it anymore. I have carried the same diaper bag since the day Lilly was born. I made it at a Viv Pickle party. You pick the fabric, bag, design, etc. I liked it and I carried it for 939 days in a row. It became tattered, worn, and the pockets on the inside tore apart creating one sagging uni-pocket. It felt like I was carrying a rag. I have had my eye out for a new diaper bag for quite some time. I never found anything I loved so I kept carrying the rag.

Tonight Lilly and I had a date night and went to Pizza Hut for dinner then to the Dollar Tree and Buy Buy Baby (exciting, eh?). Andy was at a party that I couldn't attend because we didn't have a babysitter so I tried to make the best out of the evening. Lilly wanted to take a Minnie Mouse sippy cup that doesn't have a stopper on the inside so liquid just pours out of the spout. We took it to Pizza Hut empty and I had milk in a good sippy cup. After Pizza Hut she put the Minnie cup in my bag with milk in it (I thought the milk was gone). It poured out all in the bag. The bag is so shredded that it has a hole in the bottom and the milk was pouring out of the hole and down my leg. That was my breaking point. We went to Buy Buy Baby (the BEST baby store) and I found a diaper bag (that I do not find attractive) on clearance for $19.99 and then an additional 30% off. I bought it out of desperation.

I came home and swapped bags and trashed the rag!!!

And I will gladly carry this bag that does not have holes and is sturdy and clean! Yay! And yes, doesn't it just say "I'M A DIAPER BAG" all over it?!

Beautiful Day

Today Lilly had her little friend Lindsey over for "sticky bums." Lindsey lives down the street and is the youngest of 4 girls and she and Lilly are only a month apart. Her mom is also Kristen and they're a very very nice family. It's been nice to have another mom to chat with and who has a daughter since all of Lilly's friends were boys! After they ate their "sticky bums" they played dress-up, danced, played with babies, and played outside. Today is a gorgeous day - in the 60's and crisp with a blue sky. Perfect.



Yesterday (and today) we had carpet installed up our stairs and down our hallway. I couldn't take the creaking any longer. With baby #2 arriving soon I figured it was a good time to end the creaking. It's piercing and one step on the wrong piece of wood will have you sitting straight up in bed with your heart pounding. So it's done and I'm pleased.

It will take some getting used to! I'm so used to the look of hardwood but it is nice to be able to vacuum and see that it's clean! It will also be softer on baby knees.

Lilly Grayce in Pictures

Second Day of Preschool

Somebody send me some drugs. I am going to need a therapist for all of this excitement in my life. Today was day 2 of preschool. Lilly seemed ready. We'd talked about school. She was excited about school. She got dressed eagerly. She ate all her breakfast. She grabbed her backpack. We headed to the church...

We parked in the parking spot and she said, "I don't wanna go to fool." I said, "Ok then you don't have to" and I put the key back in the ignition (I know I know but I couldn't hear that and drag her out!). Then she said, "Nooo Mommy, I go to fool!!" so I said, "GREAT! It will be so much fun!" as my stomach was churning and aching. We got out of the car and walked inside. She was happy and smiling. We got to the classroom door and she said, "I wanna go home Mommy. I don't wanna go to fool." Oh gosh, my worst nightmare. So I start talking about all the toys and fun things she did on Monday. Now she's trying to hide behind me announcing more emphatically, "I GO HOME. I DON'T WANNA GO TO FOOL."

So I decide hell with the teachers I'm crossing the threshold (God forbid you walk into the classroom with your child - bad bad bad) and I went inside and over to the play kitchen. Lilly became happy. She said, "You stay and play with me at fool Mommy." I explained that I'd play for a minute but Mommies aren't allowed and I'd have to go but would be in the church waiting for her (lie). After playing for a minute (literally) I started to walk away and she FREAKED OUT screaming at the top of her lungs and sobbing, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MOMMA! I WANNA GO HOME! I DON'T WANNA GO TO FOOL!"

Ok, I don't know how other mothers do this. This is horrible. How can I look at my hysterical child who is begging me not to leave her and walk away? Isn't that illegal or something? Aren't there laws against this type of abandonment? I'm thinking to myself, "I'll just homeschool her. There is no need to ever leave her. I'll get her therapy for any social issues that might arise..."

The teacher looked at me and I looked back and she gave me the nod... The get the hell out of here NOW nod and I said, "I love you and you'll have a great time!" and walked out. I WALKED OUT ON MY HYSTERICAL CHILD!!! Just writing this makes me sick. As I walked down the hall I could hear her screaming and crying. She was not just upset she was angry and she was yelling, "NO NO NO" to the sweet teacher (Ms. Susan) that was trying to comfort her. I am also sure she was throwing punches to get away from her. Ugly ugly scene.

I was calm. I think I was in shock. I wasn't crying but I didn't know what to do. I stood at the end of the hall until I heard the screaming stop. Then I just stood perfectly still thinking a thousand thoughts of abandonment until I decided I'd wait a few minutes and then have the director go check on her (while thinking I must send them a fruit basket or something). I saw Heather (the director) and she asked me how it went. I told her. She went to the classroom and checked and reported back that Lilly was playing with the tool bench and was not crying (of course I'm thinking she was beating the crap out of the teacher so they directed her to the tool bench...). So I left.

I left! I left my child for 3 hours. The entire 3 hours I second-guessed why I'm doing this in the first place. She's 2 years old. Why am I torturing her? I decided the best therapy would be Target. I'd go into Target and buy her a toy. This would make me feel better now and would make her feel better later. Of course I came to my senses and did not buy her a toy. Instead I walked aimlessly around Target feeling completely empty inside and very lonely. This didn't help my state of mind so I went home and spent 2 hours cleaning. In complete silence. Alone with my thoughts.

At noon I picked Lilly up. She greeted me with a huge hug and a smile while yelling, "MOMMY!" I was thrilled to hear that she did not cry for 3 hours (or at all). She was happy and seemed to have a good time. However, she did not want to discuss much about school, she didn't want to eat lunch ("I sleepy"), and she did say, "I no go to fool Mommy." So I guess I'll have to see what next Monday brings but at least I have 4 days to spend with Lilly and not worry about it.

First Official Day of Preschool

Well the day finally arrived - little did I know how very hard it would be... FOR ME. Oh my gosh I'm really hoping that my hormones are really out of whack because if they're not I have a problem. I thought I was fine - I was a total mess! Worse than Friday (though Andy wasn't with me today so I had no moral support!). Lilly seemed happy to go. We'd talked to her a little bit over the weekend. We told her she could help some of the other kids if they were upset and that she'd have so much fun with new friends and new toys. She was pulling me out of the house 10 minutes early!



She walked right down to her classroom (and I was still fine at this point with a minor stomach ache).
Posed for a picture with "Bear Bear" before heading into her class.
She started to get a little clingy and was hesitant when it was her turn to go into the classroom. They sure as heck weren't letting any parents into the room. The teacher was squatting down at the door welcoming the kids and giving them a name tag. Their bears got name tags too. Lilly went between my legs for a minute but I reminded her of the baby dolls and the kitchen she could play with and after a little coaxing from the teachers and myself she went in and I left (they shoo you away quickly). Then I had to b-line it to the bathroom where I could sob my eyes out. What the hell is wrong with me!? I tried to get myself together - my eyes weren't red - and then headed out to the "Boo Hoo Breakfast" they had set up for all the parents.

I was eyeing the food and feeling a tad funny not knowing anyone when one of Andy's friends and husband approached me and asked how I was doing... That's all it took. Started crying again and this time I knew it would be hard to stop. Felt like a total fool and was really humiliated. Other moms were looking, the director of the school came over, etc. Ugh. I tried, I really tried to be a big girl! I just kept picturing Lilly and then would well up. I smiled and said all the right things even making jokes about my emotions but inside I was totally torn apart. THREE HOURS felt like an eternity.

After an hour at the breakfast I asked the director (she had told me to do this) if she could check on Lilly before I left. She's so nice. She went down and told me they were outside and Lilly was having a ball. She took me into an empty dark room where we could watch her play from a window. But Lilly wasn't there. I could tell the director was a little nervous (for me) because she kept saying, "Maybe she's in a car" etc. But the head teacher wasn't there either (Ms. Donna). Great. So the director told me to hold on. She came back and said Lilly was fine but told Ms. Donna about a microscopic boo-boo she had on her toe and was getting a band-aid. Lilly hates band-aids. She screamed for 20 minutes last night (bloody murder) because we tried to put a bandaid on her knee. I told the director she hates bandaids and she said, "She is asking for one." So be it...

I decided I better leave before they totally think I'm the most neurotic parent on the planet. I got in my car with nowhere to go and 2 hours to kill. Talked to a great friend on her daughter's first day and then headed home.

I couldn't wait to pick her up. Walked down to the classroom with the herd of parents. Heard each child in Lilly's class cry when they saw their parents. I braced myself for the worst. Lilly saw me and fake cried and I celebrated how much fun she had and she was fine! The teacher said she was very good, never cried, asked for me a few times, but was alright. She also said Lilly cheered on all the kids and was rubbing kid's backs that were sad. That made me feel good.

So the day went well! Better than I expected (on Lilly's end). I'm hoping Wednesday will be much much easier on me.

Crazy Weekend

This weekend Andy had to be at work for a car wash fundraiser both Saturday and Sunday. Lilly loves her time on weekends with Daddy so this was not easy on her. Saturday she was ok because we had breakfast at the DiNunzio's and she loves to be with them. Then we went to the party store and she picked out her Halloween costume! It was a lot of fun. I intended on just looking to see what they had but you don't take a 2 year old to a costume store just to look so we left with the entire costume that she's been wearing ever since. You'll have to wait for the unveling...

Last night we lost power for about 4 hours (it went out at 9:00 p.m.). It complicated things since Lilly sleeps with a very loud fan and a nightlight. We have very very squeaky hardwood floors and the fan is the only way to keep her asleep while walking upstairs. It was also 90 degrees yesterday with high humidity so after an hour or so of no electricity Lilly awoke, hot and in the dark. She stood in her crib crying frantically wondering I'm sure why her room was so dark. I ran up with a candle and got her back to sleep. This continued a few times. I finally put a candle in her room but then couldn't go to bed myself knowing there was a candle in her room (even though it was a small Yankee candle in a jar). So I sat up waiting for the power to come back on. At 1:15 a.m. the power came on and I was able to take the candle out of her room and get to sleep myself. I was thankful it was not 6 a.m. as the man suggested when I called at 12:30 a.m.

This morning Andy had to go back to work for the final day of the car wash. Lilly did not make it easy for him as he was leaving. She started crying saying, "No work Daddy!" and walking around with a boo-boo lip and chin quivering. It was really sad. He felt horrible as he left. Once he shut the door she was really crying so I told her we could go surprise him. I made her breakfast (she requested eggs with cheese and a peach - love this age) and we both got ready and headed to Daddy's work. We talked the whole way about school tomorrow (God give me strength) and about surprising Daddy. She's so fun to chat with. When we were about 10 minutes away Andy texted me that he was heart broken so I was excited that we had decided to surprise him. Needless to say he was very happy to see us and we had a good time visiting. It was extremely hot out today (93 degrees and full humidity) so we headed in from the car wash and Andy let Lilly sing in the microphone on his stage. It was SO CUTE!! She doesn't have a shy bone in her body. Took that mic like she'd been doing it all her life. She sang, and sang, and walked the stage, and sang some more. She held it just right and sounded so cute! Some parents walked in to get things and she smiled and kept on singing. I tried to capture it on Andy's work camera but am not used to the camera and couldn't get great pictures but here she is in action...

Love her on her tippy toes in this one.

She was really working the stage...

Andy is now home and Lilly's thrilled. They're playing ball as I type. And I must admit - I love the break!!!

First Day of Preschool UPDATE

Ok a slight amendment to my former version of the first day of school...

So the director of the preschool wrote me an email saying, "Of course!! Kristin I want to talk to you more about this – I’m going to give you a call in a little bit. It will all be OK I promise!" I eagerly awaited her phone call.

She was lovely and sweet and had talked to the classroom teacher. Apparently there was some sort of "altercation" that left Lilly angry. They did not see the altercation but know she became angry. She then crawled under the table because she was mad. One of the assistants tried to go under and get her and hold her to comfort her but "Lilly wanted nothing to do with them." After a while they got her calmed down and had coaxed her out from under the table when she hit her head on the table. They said, "After that she was done." I have seen this happen many times before and the more attention I give to her at these times the angrier she gets. The behavior is often a response to feeling embarrassed.

While I still feel badly that she had a rough start I feel MUCH BETTER knowing it was anger and not Lilly missing us. In fact, this is one of the reasons we put her in a program - so that she would learn to cooperate with other children and handle discipline from other adults.

The director assured me that I could do an abbreviated version of school until Lilly is comfortable if there's a need. So Monday I will stay at the church and they will periodically check on Lilly and let me know how she's doing. If at any point she's upset and cannot get herself together I will take her home.

I am feeling better. I have great hope that this will be a good program for Lilly and that she will learn some of the necessary social skills that are pertinent to getting along with others. And I also hope that they will get to see how very sweet and loving Lilly is. She has so much to offer and has such a dynamite personality that they will really get to love and enjoy.

First Day of Preschool

Today was Lilly's first (unofficial) day of preschool! Monday is the real first day but today was also a first as it was orientation. Lilly would spend an hour in her classroom with her teachers while we listened to a presentation in the sanctuary. She was very excited to go to school. Here she is waiting for Daddy to come downstairs so we could leave.

Posing with Mommy on her first day. What a big girl!

My favorite shot. She was so happy and ready to go to school!

Her new backpack with her name on it.

When we got to the church there were many moms and dads dropping off their children. Lilly is in the "Lambs" class and her teachers are Ms. Donna and Ms. Susan. The class is capped at 10 children and there are 2 teachers and an aide with her at all times. This is Lilly playing with Ms. Donna right before we left to go to the sanctuary.
Lilly kissed me goodbye and started playing with baby dolls. There was a little boy that was hysterical but Lilly seemed just fine. I started getting upset and tried not to let anyone see me. As Andy and I walked down the hall I had to duck into a bathroom and cry. I pulled myself together and we headed to the sanctuary to listen to all the information about this new school. I signed up to be room mom and gave them our email addresses and turned in all of Lilly's forms. They told us we could go in and pick our children up at 10:15 (one hour).

At 10:15 everyone headed to the classrooms. We were in the back and I had to squeeze my way through to get a glimpse of Lilly in her class. Her back was toward the door and she was standing and coloring a picture at a table. She looked so cute! I went in and sat down beside her when I realized her nose was running and she'd obviously been crying. She took one look at me and got hysterical. She was crying and trying to talk at the same time. It was absolutely heart-wrenching. The mom across the table from me even started crying and she said, "My heart is breaking for her." I was ok because she used to cry every time we picked her up from the church nursery though she'd been fine while we were gone. And then...

...one of the teachers gave me a really sad look and said, "She had a rough time." Well kill me now. My heart was ripped from my chest. I then found out that she cried most of the hour and even hid under a table and cried. I couldn't believe it! She's so very independent and I have left her before for church and at a drop-off babysitting center to prepare her for this. But for some reason she had a very difficult time. I went and spoke to the teacher (briefly) and she confirmed that yes, Lilly was upset most of the time and that she did hide under a table (crying again as I type this). I expressed my concern for Monday which is 3 hours long and the teacher said, "She'll be fine they need time to adjust" and that was that.

I left the classroom with so many emotions. What had I done to my sweet and happy child? This is totally unnecessary. I only signed her up because I thought she'd love it. Poor thing was scared and lonely. I could go on and on...

In the car we talked to her and she said she wasn't going to go back. She was pretty upset and we let her have her time to feel this way. When we got home I took her down the street to a friend's house so she could get it off her mind and enjoy playing with her friend Lindsey. It also gave me time to debrief with Kristen, Lindsey's mom, who is a mother of 4 girls and has been through this many times.

After I came home we were planning on going out to lunch (a treat) but Lilly didn't want to leave so we stayed home. I sent an email to the director of the preschool (don't have the teacher's contact information) telling her that I would like to arrange a plan so that Lilly does not spend 3 hours crying on Monday. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her spending that much time crying and would feel better if someone checked in on her and let me know how she was doing and if she was still struggling I would take her home. We'll see how she responds.

For now, I still feel like total shit. I feel like I was a horrible mother and blind-sided my child with something she was not ready for. I also feel torn because I know she'll love school and will flourish once she's adjusted.

I will update more on Monday!

Sweet Baby Girl

This morning I had an orthodontist appointment. Lilly always sits in her stroller and has a snack while I lie in the chair and get my braces adjusted. Here is the conversation that went on while I was lying flat with my mouth open...

Lilly: "Doctor?"
Dr. Foley: "Yes Lilly?"
Lilly: "You take care of Mommy? Make her all better?"
Dr. Foley: "Oh yes she's doing much better now."
Lilly: "Oh I glad. Mommy you hold my heend. You be alright. I make you all better."

I was melting... She is such a cute age. So very social and verbal. Talks to everyone she sees. After the orthodontist we went to Target. She wanted popcorn. I told her I didn't have any money for popcorn today. She then found 2 pennies on the floor and carried them over to the food court and asked a girl that worked there if she could have popcorn with her "two monies." I of course stepped in and told her that we would get something in a little bit. Lilly agreed and we went on to shop for a couple items. Along the way Lilly was saying hello to everyone telling them, "Hi, I Lilly. I two and a hass" and of course telling them she wanted popcorn.

As we were finishing up our shopping, the original girl Lilly had asked for popcorn earlier showed up with a small bowl of popcorn. She asked Lilly if she had been good for Mommy. Lilly said, "Oh yes, I good in Tawget." The girl then gave her the popcorn. We thanked her and went to leave. Lilly said to me, "Awww, Mommy, that soooo nice!!!"

I just love our conversations all day long. She is really so much fun to spend my days with. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Puddle Fun

Lilly loves to play in puddles and after yesterday's flash flood warning there were puddles to play in. In true Lilly fashion she went puddle hopping in a t-shirt and boots ONLY. I often wonder what people think about her naked ways! Oh well she is who she is and has a very particular fashion sense!

Flash Flood Warning

Today Lilly and I ran out to do an errand and this is what happened while we were out...




I was so nervous! I don't like storms very much and especially didn't like the flash flood warning that broke into the broadcasting. We were at the store for about 5 minutes when I decided to go home. It wasn't worth it to be out.

We did get bad thunder and lightning but it lasted about 10 minutes! Now the temperature has dropped and the sky is white. Pretty amazing.