Stress

I pulled Lilly out of preschool today. It was not an easy decision and I definitely didn't take it lightly (Andy will attest to this) but I had to go with my gut. I ended up making a list at 1:00 in the morning and the reasons to pull her out were longer. She was displaying anxiety at home and that was not our intent when putting her in school. We thought she'd love it and have a great time and I do think she enjoyed it after adapting to the separation but she did not look foward to going back. She woke every morning (even Thurs., Fri., Sat., and Sun. when she didn't have school) telling me she didn't want to go and had started crying at naptime and bedtime telling me she'd miss me and not to leave her room.

I thought long and hard about why I've been so upset. I didn't want to pull her out because of my emotions or because I missed her. And I came to the conclusion that the reason I felt so heart broken all the time was because I didn't feel she was happy and it was my choice to put her there and in turn it was causing her stress. This created a lot of guilt on my part. So once I realized my issues were a result of my gut telling me she wasn't happy, I was secure with the decision.

I was snack mom this week. This week they're learning about apples. I took in cut up apple pouches and applesauce. Lilly was dressed in an apple shirt just in case she decided she did want to stay after all. I stopped to talk with the director and we had a lovely conversation. She totally understood and agreed with my decision. She made it clear that Lilly is welcome back anytime this year (we paid the registration fee). Then she took the snack to the classroom for us and we headed home. Lilly hugged my neck and said, "Thank you much Mommy!" and grinned from ear to ear all morning. She said, "I miss you so much Mommy. No more miss my mommy." And randomly she'd say, "I love you Mommy. I love my daddy."

I feel a huge relief and feel that a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It is this feeling that reaffirms that I made the right decision. Happy Lilly - Happy Mommy.