Posing with Mommy on her first day. What a big girl!
My favorite shot. She was so happy and ready to go to school!
Her new backpack with her name on it.
When we got to the church there were many moms and dads dropping off their children. Lilly is in the "Lambs" class and her teachers are Ms. Donna and Ms. Susan. The class is capped at 10 children and there are 2 teachers and an aide with her at all times. This is Lilly playing with Ms. Donna right before we left to go to the sanctuary.
Lilly kissed me goodbye and started playing with baby dolls. There was a little boy that was hysterical but Lilly seemed just fine. I started getting upset and tried not to let anyone see me. As Andy and I walked down the hall I had to duck into a bathroom and cry. I pulled myself together and we headed to the sanctuary to listen to all the information about this new school. I signed up to be room mom and gave them our email addresses and turned in all of Lilly's forms. They told us we could go in and pick our children up at 10:15 (one hour).At 10:15 everyone headed to the classrooms. We were in the back and I had to squeeze my way through to get a glimpse of Lilly in her class. Her back was toward the door and she was standing and coloring a picture at a table. She looked so cute! I went in and sat down beside her when I realized her nose was running and she'd obviously been crying. She took one look at me and got hysterical. She was crying and trying to talk at the same time. It was absolutely heart-wrenching. The mom across the table from me even started crying and she said, "My heart is breaking for her." I was ok because she used to cry every time we picked her up from the church nursery though she'd been fine while we were gone. And then...
...one of the teachers gave me a really sad look and said, "She had a rough time." Well kill me now. My heart was ripped from my chest. I then found out that she cried most of the hour and even hid under a table and cried. I couldn't believe it! She's so very independent and I have left her before for church and at a drop-off babysitting center to prepare her for this. But for some reason she had a very difficult time. I went and spoke to the teacher (briefly) and she confirmed that yes, Lilly was upset most of the time and that she did hide under a table (crying again as I type this). I expressed my concern for Monday which is 3 hours long and the teacher said, "She'll be fine they need time to adjust" and that was that.
I left the classroom with so many emotions. What had I done to my sweet and happy child? This is totally unnecessary. I only signed her up because I thought she'd love it. Poor thing was scared and lonely. I could go on and on...
In the car we talked to her and she said she wasn't going to go back. She was pretty upset and we let her have her time to feel this way. When we got home I took her down the street to a friend's house so she could get it off her mind and enjoy playing with her friend Lindsey. It also gave me time to debrief with Kristen, Lindsey's mom, who is a mother of 4 girls and has been through this many times.
After I came home we were planning on going out to lunch (a treat) but Lilly didn't want to leave so we stayed home. I sent an email to the director of the preschool (don't have the teacher's contact information) telling her that I would like to arrange a plan so that Lilly does not spend 3 hours crying on Monday. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her spending that much time crying and would feel better if someone checked in on her and let me know how she was doing and if she was still struggling I would take her home. We'll see how she responds.
For now, I still feel like total shit. I feel like I was a horrible mother and blind-sided my child with something she was not ready for. I also feel torn because I know she'll love school and will flourish once she's adjusted.
I will update more on Monday!
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