Bittersweet

Well, today we met a milestone (or at least I did). Due to the suggestion of some professionals I took Lilly to an hourly drop-off babysitting facility and abandoned, I mean left her there while I went grocery shopping. I tossed and turned all night worrying about some crazy crazy things that could happen (I won't even share the craziness). I had visited Kidz Korner last week and Lilly had played a little bit and while we were there she had said to me, "Mommy go home" and I said, "Oh you want to go home now?" and she said, "No, Mommy go home" which of course ripped my heart out but also gave me hope that she'd be happy there. Today we walked in and I told her I was going grocery shopping and would be back to get her and she kissed me good-bye and that was that... sniff, sniff.

I chose not to talk on my cell phone while I grocery shopped. I figured I'd take an hour completely to myself since this is a rare occurrence. So I browsed and shopped and let people in front of me in line and said things like, "Oh no problem I am in no rush" etc. Wow, what an experience - grocery shopping alone!! By the time I got out of there (for some odd reason there was a huge Tuesday rush at Shop Rite this morning) it had been an hour so I went back to pick Lilly up (yes, I was speeding).

I walked in and Lilly ran from across the room shouting, "MOMMY I MISSED YOU!!" over and over again. But ... she was happy! And that was the greatest feeling ever. She had fun playing and eating a snack. In fact before we left she played a little bit more with the train table.
I will be trying to drop her off a few hours a week to get some me-time and for Lilly to have some experiences with other children and with new adults disciplining her (which of course she needed none of today). Our goal is that she will discontinue hitting and/or kicking other children and will listen to the adults in charge and learn that the behavior is unacceptable. *Before you start thinking we don't discipline her - my gosh we do - and often - but Lilly doesn't care and she thrives off of the discipline.*